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Archive for the ‘C4C’ Category

Super huge update

Such blog neglect happening this year! I need to do a better job to document everything so I can turn my blog into a kind of family yearbook. We’ve been a little busy. 🙂 We are finally a family of four & are loving it. Lily is a wonderful addition to our family & she fits right in. Since I’m so far behind, I’m going to just post pictures of what’s been happening the last several months.

 

Created for Care 2014

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Tee ball!

 

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My birthday & the referral of our beautiful daughter, Lily

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SO excited we have a daughter!!!!

SO excited we have a daughter!!!!

 

Easter

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Washing my first load of mostly PINK clothes

 

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Meeting & bringing home our daughter

 

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So, these were just the highlights. Of course a lot more went on, but because I didn’t blog it, I don’t remember all the details. Hoping to do better from now on since we are settled as a family of four. However next week I start back to work! 😦  That’s gonna throw a curve ball & will take some getting used to too.

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C4C: Carissa Woodwyk

Main Session on Saturday morning notes:

  • The God we trust is after us.
  • Listen- Do you listen to the spoken & unspoken of what your child is saying? It takes practice.
  • Come near, lean in, shut out distraction, & be present
  • They need us to listen to their hearts.
  • We don’t have to listen, we get to!
  • In order to gain someone your child had to lose someone. The people who were supposed to love them.
  • Adoption is not just about gaining & adding to your family. It’s about your child losing & leaving all they know too.
  • We all want to feel secure, wanted, loved, & like we matter.
  • We can’t protect our child from their story. We can’t rescue & get rid of their pain. They have to find their own truth & experience their own healing.
  • BUT…we get to be right alongside of them the whole way.
  • Remind them that they are strong, courageous, & worth finding themself.
  • How will we respond? Will we allow two-way communication?
  • Their story doesn’t define them or get the last word.
  • God said all things can be made new & there is hope & redemption.

 

Session 2: Our story: a place for beauty & brokenness- Carissa Woodwyk

  • They don’t act out because they are adopted. It’s because they experienced loss.
  • Safe means having your needs met. Security means having your emotional needs met.
  • While there is celebrating there is also loss & grief.
  • We all have a place where brokenness started.
  • God hates the brokenness from our children’s stories. It didn’t happen because He caused it, but because we live in a fallen world.
  • We have to teach our child what forgiveness looks like. What Jesus did on the cross covers all!
  • When we experience pain, we can either feel the pain or flee it.
  • If we feel the pain then we can be open to truth from others & God. That’s when healing can happen, then redemption.
  • How do you share your child’s story? Is it honorable?

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C4C: Love BIG

The theme for this year’s Created for Care was love big!

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Andrea did the first main session & she talked about loving big. She used I Corinthians 13. For some reason I didn’t take many notes this time. I think I was listening so intently & captured by her speech! 🙂

  • Love BIG
  • Though you might not can see, He is still there.
  • He is never, never late. He is always on time.
  • He does have a plan.
  • He wrote a beautiful story just for you!

 

After this is when we watched the documentary “Stuck.” I talked about that some already, but wanted to share one quote from the movie that I loved. “The right to a family is a basic human right.”

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This was the first session I went. Amy Monroe was the speaker. She works with Dr. Karen Purvis with Empowered to Connect & Amy & her husband also started a ministry in their church called Tapestry. This was such a good session! It is very pertinent to where we are right now with Samuel. We want to mold his heart & really connect with him while we are correcting him.

I’ll just put the notes that I took of what Amy said. That will best explain it.

  • Children that come into our families through adoption or foster care come from hard places. Most of the approaches to parenting were not developed with our children in mind. We want to help them heal, but we also have to effectively respond to their misbehavior so they can learn & grow.
  • Our children have unique histories & needs. They need mothers that are willing to use a unique approach to help them heal & become all that God desires.
  • Risk Factors For Those from Hard Places: prenatal stress, prenatal toxins, difficult labor/delivery, early medical trauma, abuse, neglect, trauma.
  • Attachment is not a feeling but a relationship. It’s as much about our children as it is about us.
  • In the first year of life, babies express their needs 100,000 times. Most parents only meet 50% of those needs. Kids from hard places have had their needs met considerably less than that. Meeting their needs shows them they are loved and precious.
  • Sometimes the things that annoy us the most are our children expressing their needs (yep, I definitely think this is true in our home. That hit pretty hard).
  • “When we shift our perspective from the outward to inward, from rules to relationships, our parenting will change.” – Leslie Fields, “Parenting is Your Highest Calling” and Eight Other Myths that Trap Us in Worry and Guilt
  • God loves his children with a balance of nurture & structure. We are not to be permissive parents & let our children run over us.
  • Each child is different & needs a different parenting style.
  • We don’t have to let go of structure. We just need to raise our nurture to match our structure.
  • It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been home. It doesn’t change where they came from. A lot of kids don’t have words for their feelings. Give them a voice.
  • Embrace the privilege of saying yes. That builds trust. We need to ask ourselves why we say no. Is it because we are too busy & don’t want to take the time to do what the child is asking?
  • Strategies to help connect while correcting: playful engagement, choices (not threats),compromises, re-do’s (try it again), time-ins (this is about calming them down), & then the IDEAL response (I-immediate-within 3 seconds, D-direct-go to your child & engage them, E-efficient-12 words or less, A-action-based-re-do’s or try agains, L-leveled at the behavior- not the child, don’t shame or embarrass them)
  • We need TVC: total voice control-tone, volume, & cadence
  • When it’s over, it’s over. Move past it & don’t bring it up again.
  • Connecting strategies outcomes: corrected behavior, contentment in parent & child, & connection between parent & child is deepened.
  • Practice in the good times. It’s a journey. Pray, seek wisdom & understanding in scripture, & always recognize our dependence on God!

Here are some of the books recommended: The Connected Child, Created to Connect, Anatomy of The Soul, Nurturing Adoptions, The Whole-Brain Child

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